Well, the problem is also that I think too much. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely enjoying whatever weird version of my life is taking place right now. It’s just that this whole little escapade has sort of been one big crash-course kamikaze therapy session. I mean, despite the reality that I’ve decided to live in Madrid for a while, I’m still myself. So the fact that I have trouble making decisions or tend to give too much energy to other people has generally been amplified.
And so I’ve got life lessons aplenty. I seem to hover between complete confidence and sheer terror at my own naivete. But I’ve chosen to live my life authentically, as scary as it may be. Learning is uncomfortable, for sure. And it doesn't happen all at once.
There’s a saying here in Spain that I’ve kind of taken on as a personal mantra: Poco a poco. Little by little. It kind of explains the nature of the people here. They work as hard as they need to, and understand that everything takes time. I love this phrase because it applies to every aspect of my (and our) existence. When I explain to people here that I’m looking for work, learning the language, and trying to make friends, they'll say it in the most sincere way: Poco a poco. And it's always incredibly reassuring. My yoga instructor uses it to remind us to take our time. I tell the same to the couple who I tutor in English. One thing's for sure about people here in Madrid, they don't rush anything.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m American or grew up privileged or maybe just because I’m human, but I tend to want things immediately. This includes the answers to some pretty big cosmic questions. Turns out those things don’t come overnight, but in fact, a little bit at a time. And I'm certain I'm on to something, even if I can't put it into words just yet.
So when I can’t find my favorite cafe (even though I was there a week ago) or I’m not sure where I want to be in six months from now, I can remind myself: Poco a poco. And even though I hate New Year’s, I guess it’s a good time for obligatory reflection. I’m incredibly grateful to be alive and doing things that scare the shit out of me. Why the hell not?
I won’t tell you what I did last New Year’s (because it involved watching an obscene amount of Buffy the Vampire Slayer), but I can say that I never thought that a year later I'd be celebrating in Spain. Life is strange that way. But only if you're brave enough to let it be.
Mil besitos y Feliz Año Nuevo from your amiga loca.
 |
| Happy New Year! Getting ready for dinner with my roommate and her Peruvian friends |
